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Friday, April 12, 2024

Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

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The B-Listing

This is the most recent rundown of causes for why that cargo ship knocked down the Key Bridge and introduced delivery visitors to a halt in Baltimore, as compiled by the Republican occasion through Fox Information, Fact Social, and sub-sub-sub-reddit chatrooms:

Immigrants pouring in from Mexico … The woke delivery firm … Mr. Potato Head … Pete Buttigieg … Immigrants pouring in from Canada … Barack Obama pulling strings from contained in the White Home … The Barbie/Taylor Swift deep state … God’s vengeance for the existence of drag queens … Ukraine … Vaccines … Antifa … Cybercrime … Windmills … Immigrants pouring in from Asia … Gun legal guidelines … The kidnapping and incarceration of the January sixth hostages … Hunter Biden’s laptop computer … Books… The Jewish area laser … Liz Cheney … Rogue pronouns … Immigrants pouring in over high of the immigrants pouring in from Mexico … Inflation … Company range packages … Inexperienced M&Ms … Hillary Clinton … Spherical-earthers …

This checklist will probably be up to date later this morning as quickly as their meds put on off. Or kick in. I overlook which.

Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, March 28, 2024

Be aware: C&J is shifting!  Beginning subsequent week, we’ll be partying prefer it’s 2005 as we begin posting once more solely within the diaries. So look ahead to the C&J ducky brand on the “current” checklist Monday via Thursday mornings round 7:50 ET—and Friday evenings, as traditional, at 7:20. Then hit the suggest button, the like button, the subscribe button, the unleash the kraken button, the discharge the hounds button, the coin return button, the panic button, and the I’ve fallen and I can’t rise up button. Plus all the opposite buttons. Thanks.  —Mgt.

By the Numbers:

Maryland Chicken Wing Festival PR graphic
9 days!!!

Days ’til Poetry Month: 4

Days ’til the Maryland Chicken Wing Festival in Crownsville: 9

Present dying and harm toll from the assault at that Moscow live performance: 140 / 180

P.c likelihood that Stormy Daniels trial decide Juan Merchan imposed a gag order on Trump to cease him from doxxing courtroom employees/witnesses/members of the family and intimidating potential jurors: 100%

Variety of the final 14 White Home press secretaries who’ve been employed by a TV community: 10

Minimal quantity Waffle Home takes from every staff’ pay for on-shift meals, whether or not they find yourself getting one or not: $3

Age of Diana Ross as of Tuesday: 80

Your Thursday Molly Ivins Second:

Accustomed as I’m to listening to Texas legislators bloviate for hours on finish, I discovered nothing odd in U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay’s arguments towards gun management.

Molly Ivins

“Our college methods train the youngsters that they’re nothing however glorified apes who’re evolutionized out of some primordial soup of mud,” mentioned DeLay, in the midst of explaining to us why 12 college students and a trainer have been shot to dying by two different college students in Littleton, Colo.

Clearly, being taught that we’re nothing however glorified apes who’re evolutionized out of some primordial soup of mud is sufficient to drive anybody to violence; the mere thought makes you need to exit and shoot a dozen or so youngsters, would not it? However within the pursuits of equity, I ought to level out that Tom DeLay himself is exceptionally good proof for the speculation that man is descended from monkeys. And rattling just lately, too. […]

DeLay blames all of this—the speculation of evolution, contraception, small household dimension, day care, abortion and ethical relativism—for the shootings in Littleton.

He doesn’t blame weapons. He blames liberals.

June 1999

Pet Pic of the Day: Big cat…

CHEERS to good omens. The pundits and political consultants mentioned it was a referendum on November. They mentioned it was make or break for the Democrats. They mentioned it was the last word proxy battle between Biden and Trump. And if Marilyn Lands did not win Tuesday’s particular election for the state Home in deep-red Alabama, it was over for American democracy and we might all be pressured to eat grits for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. However might she win by operating on a platform of reproductive freedom? I’m on the edge of my seat…

Democrat Marilyn Lands gained a particular election for an Alabama state Home seat late Tuesday, flipping a Republican-held seat within the deep-red state within the aftermath of a courtroom ruling within the state that threw entry to fertility remedies into query.

Alabama Democrat Marilyn Lands
Much more wonderful, Marilyn turned all of the previously-red beams behind her blue utilizing nothing however her thoughts. 

Lands, a psychological well being counselor, made reproductive rights central to her marketing campaign. She’s spoken overtly about her personal abortion when her being pregnant was nonviable. And she or he ran commercials on reproductive well being care, like contraception and in vitro fertilization, being threatened within the state, after an Alabama Supreme Court docket ruling that equated frozen embryos to youngsters and led main IVF suppliers within the state to pause fertility remedies.

And now what are the pundits and political consultants saying? They will let you realize simply as quickly as they get executed interviewing some extra Trump supporters in Iowa diners.

CHEERS to a ray of sunshine within the Sunshine State. How candy. Now that Governor Ron DeSantis has flamed out as a presidential contender, he has to return to truly governing. Which suggests cleansing up loads of the shit he broke over the previous couple years, together with his conflict on Disney. Apparently it’s now kum ba yah time:

A Gov. Ron DeSantis-backed board and Disney settled lawsuits Wednesday over who controls the governing district of Disney World’s theme parks and resorts.

The Central Florida Tourism Oversight District’s board voted to just accept the deal, which ends a lot of the litigation between Disney and Florida officers.

It’s win-win. Mainly, Florida agrees to cease being dicks in the direction of Disney, and Disney agrees to cease blasting It is A Small, Small, Small, Small World within the path of Tallahassee.

CHEERS and JEERS to hippity-hoppin’ on the Individuals’s Garden. It is probably the most Paaserrific time of the 12 months—Easter! And the White House Easter Egg Roll is a go. This 12 months the kid who finds the golden egg on Monday wins probably the most coveted prize in all of the land: a front-row seat at a their selection of Trump trial. (Bear in mind children: no biting, kicking, or stuffing different youngsters into trash bins whereas looking for it—and that goes for you, too, not simply your dad and mom.)

Proper on schedule, the made-in-Maine memento wood Easter Egg Roll eggs that I’ve collected since I used to be knee-high to a grasshopper can be found on the White House Historical Association gift shop. However for those who actually need a tremendous and distinctive memento that you’re going to cross down by the generations, you’ll be able to make the most of EXCLUSIVE CHEERS AND JEERS CUTTING EDGE TECHNOLOGY. This is a pic of this 12 months’s eggs, full with woozle Commander and pootie Willow:

WhiteHouseEasterEggs2024.jpg_large

Nugatory by itself, sure. However once I label it a “Non Fungible Token” and also you print it out on your very personal? You bought your self a set of collector’s eggs price a cool $250,000 on the crypto market. And that is no yolk!  Thanks and good evening!

BRIEF SANITY BREAK

END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

CHEERS to the United States Senate. Wow…they lastly stood up and nailed the President for overstepping his authority, and he was pissed. Certain, the transfer is a symbolic “slap on the wrist,” however he wanted it.  So mark this date in your historical past books: March 28, 1834.  The day Andrew Jackson got his old hickory ass censured. We hope he discovered his lesson and gained’t do it once more.

JEERS to Captain Huge Mouth. Trump’s trial associated to the Stormy Daniels hush cash funds will get beneath method subsequent month. Being the scumbag that he’s, Hair Fuhrer received the ball pre-rolling by harassing and doxxing everybody related to the prosecution, the potential witness pool, and even the decide and his household. So you can probably guess what occurred subsequent…

A New York decide Tuesday issued a gag order barring Donald Trump from commenting publicly about witnesses, prosecutors, courtroom employees and jurors in his upcoming hush-money legal trial, citing the previous president’s historical past of “threatening, inflammatory, denigrating” remarks about individuals concerned in his authorized instances.

Decide Juan M. Merchan’s resolution, echoing a gag order in Trump’s Washington, D.C., election interference legal case, got here a day after he rejected the protection’s push to delay the Manhattan trial till summer season and ordered it to start April 15.

Sadly, the gag is not the spherical rubber kind that will get wedged within the mouth and stored in place with duct tape. At the very least not but. There’s nonetheless time.

Ten years in the past in C&J: March 28, 2014

CHEERS to at the moment’s boring correction.  The G-8 summit, which used to incorporate Russia, has been modified.  The brand new identify is the G-7 summit, and it no longer includes Russia.  Please replace your Rolodexes accordingly.

And only one extra…

CHEERS to a second of your endurance, please. I usually don’t get technical in C&J, however there is a essential fiduciary growth suggestive of market volatility that requires all of our consideration. It includes a confluence of knowledge from monetary sectors associated to the Case-Shiller Home Worth Index (HPI) and the Federal Housing Finance Company (FHFA) adjusted for the SA, the pre-market knowledge for Bloomberg futures through S&P changes for Q1, the WTI scenario relative to worldwide market fluctuations, T-Invoice coordination amongst Fed banks and the Treasury, and debt service rations as reported to SAAR-affiliated oh fuck it I forgot the place I used to be going with this so I am going to punt and hope you don’t discover…

1000’s of pet lovers throughout the nation have spoken and Louie the Raccoon is formally the winner of the sixth annual Cadbury Bunny Tryouts.

Louie from Miami, FL is the first-ever raccoon rescue to be crowned the CADBURY Bunny

Because the grand prize winner, Louie is not going to solely have a starring position within the 2025 Cadbury Bunny Tryouts business however can even take house $7,000 in prize cash.

Thanks on your consideration on this matter.

Have a pleasant Thursday. Ground’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about at the moment?

At the moment’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

“The Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool deserves higher than a feeble, confused, and waterlogged Invoice in Portland Maine.”

James Singer

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